You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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