note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
