it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
