ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
