theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize