I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
