Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
