sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
