apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
