you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
