I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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