He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
