best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
