I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
