I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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