i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
