I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
