The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
