he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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