You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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