So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
