I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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