She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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