mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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