babies were throwing up all over the place
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
