So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
where are my eyebrows?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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