dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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