My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
