from now on my penis is your penis
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We are all done wearing pants today
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
