i just sent this text using only my big toe
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
