dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
