hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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