She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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