So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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