have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
