he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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