Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
how drunk are you?
Several
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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