bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
