dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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