Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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