That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize