the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
