Your dad touched me again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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