in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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