my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
