Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
