cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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