Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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