remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
