He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
