You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
