oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
