you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
