Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize