Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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