butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize