You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
