I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
