I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
