You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize