oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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