her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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