When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
