Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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