Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
