When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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