Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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