Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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